


then he decided to ditch that for DDLJ, and proceeded to become a monster-class superstar.

in essence, after DDLJ the man who gave us the stuttering stalker gave us the stuttering schoolboy, forever 21, forever Raaj, or Raj, or Raju, forever the same character for the next for 15 years.
In contrast, Aamir Khan started as the "papa-kehtain hain" good boy who loved purely and passionately...


...but ended up as the "art-cinema" hero, bringing a unique hollywood sensibility to India, by doing historical movies,

changing his physical appearance for a role and getting in "character,"

and (the number one hollywood superstar move) - making a movie with a retarded kid.
Shahrukh took the crass route, and got a wax statue in London, Aamir went classy, and went to the Oscars.

Shahrukh went meglomaniac, Aamir went anti-colonial intellectual.





despite centuries of living together, and having the same culture, memories, traditions and languages, despite all of that, pakistanis and indians are different.
and this is the reason.



circumspect,

timid,

spineless

and plain stupid.

inevitably, the pakistani batting fails, it goes out with a whimper, it flatters to deceive, it self destructs, it mutilates, it self-mutilates and flagellates and defecates.
he bowls like a dreamer,
he loves the audacious,
he is a born predator,
his sense of vengeance keener than that of Jack Bauer.
he is our "shock & awe,"
only he treads the "Rah-e-rast."
if there was a pakistani lagaan, it would involve us bowling last, the batsmen having been shout out for a ridiculous total, and the opposition merely waiting to celebrate their victory. for the archetypal pakistani victory involves coming back from nowhere, and it involves the bowlers being magnificent.
in 2003, when wasim and waqar retired, it appeared that shoaib and sami would fly the flag. but sami proved to be a mystery.

and as for shoaib - well, he was clearly unplayable when he chose to be, but catastrophic otherwise. just look up genital warts to know what i mean.

As for asif – he was the ultimate case of KLPD. (kharay lun pay dhoka – loosely translated as a betrayal to an erection.)

and if proof was needed that the apocalypse was nigh, india discovered ishant sharma. a genuinely quick bowler who could bowl with pace and bounce.
on the wounds caused by pakistani bowlers attacking one another with bats and pulling hamstrings on esha deol's g-string, the discovery of ishant sprinkled acid-riddled salt.
if india were to have fast bowlers and reverse swing, would pakistan have any purpose left in life? they'd taken away what made us pakistanis, so what would we be left with now? was God dead?
if india were to have fast bowlers and reverse swing, would pakistan have any purpose left in life? they'd taken away what made us pakistanis, so what would we be left with now? was God dead?
